“Crime in the Time of a Coup” – Author Unknown.

Chapter 1 – The Story of Nurakkaatheri Shiruhan

Once upon a time, in the concrete jungle which is the capital of banana republic of dhivehitsan lived a man named shiruhan. He was arrested 27 times for carrying out and organizing serious crimes such as robbery, attacking people with sharp objects, drugs, sexual offenses. But only 3 cases were taken seriously and sent to Prosecutor General’s office. Out of that just one case was sent to the court. It was during the proceedings of this specific case that, on 14 April 2011, the Police announced he was one of the most dangerous people in Maldives. With this he recieved the honorable title of “nurakkaatheri”, and was much respected on the streets after this day.[http://www.haveeru.com.mv/dhivehi/news/102499]

So he bravely denied all charges against him in the court, on 18 May 2011. Then he humbly requested legal representation. Complained that he was kept in solitary confinement for 5 months just because police wanted to and that it was driving him crazy. So he requested to ease things for him. Observe the growth in character. He is now much wiser and more aware of his rights. [http://www.haveeru.com.mv/dhivehi/news/104014]

On 14 June 2011 a Police witness changed his official statement against shiruhan in the court and denied he was able to recognize the accused at the crime scene. The officer claimed his original statement was false and was only given upon a request from the investigating officer. we must be thankful he did not bring down a government for that unlawful request. The blues are very sensitive to these things. [http://www.haveeru.com.mv/dhivehi/news/106054]

*** 7 February 2012 [Deleted] happened. But our story continues without interruption (minor censorship to unify the country and protect faith) ***

It was upon Shirukhan’s (and two others’) request that on 29 Febaruary 2012 the Criminal Court ordered to change him from police custody to house arrest, just for 15 days. The Judge said they have been in police custody for a long long time and he reckons that their custody should be eased. “Thank You! honorable judge” Said the happy young men with much gratitude. “lol lol. wtf mothafucka. what hell just happened here man?”… uh.. no body said that. im just writing lol for comic relief as the story have now reached it’s climax.

On 07 March 2012 witnesses refused to attend the court hearing. A very pissed off Judge said that he may have to detain and bring them to court, if they don’t cooperate. Things have gone that far, the good judge who was definitely not ablowgarzy said.[http://www.haveeru.com.mv/dhivehi/news/118085]

Twelve days and Twelve nights passed, and on the Thirteenth night our protagonist was in the court…again. it was 15 March 2012 and the State’s witnesses testified that they did NOT see the accused at the crime scene. One of the witnesses actually changed the testimony. S/he gave two different versions at that same fuckin hearing. can you fuckin believe it? a haveeru news journalist was in much shock. [http://www.haveeru.com.mv/dhivehi/news/118461]

On 05 April 2012, sometime around midnight, Shirhan (with another person that is not of any concern to our story) attacked a Police Officer with a machete, after refusing to stop at a police check point. The officer narrowly escaped the attack with machete touching only his reflective vest.

In an SMS to Media, the Police claimed Shiruhan was released under “dheva furusathu progam” of the government ousted in a [deleted] recently. Police also said that he belonged to a certain “Masodi Gang”, as if they trying to make a political point with that claim. But they obviously wasn’t. the Police is now just too independent for anything like that. Anyhow, shirukhan was taken into Police custody once again. for the 28th time. or 29. But i dont think they say 28/29th time is a charm. Nyways, that the last time anyone ever heard of this man. But he will probably be arrested for a 40th time as well. we’ll see. sooner than we may think maybe. [http://www.haveeru.com.mv/dhivehi/news/119442]

While our poor protagonist character was at the mercy of good ol blues for a while, dangerous and serious criminals were being released in to the society. Gang leaders and major league drug dealers were on the loose for one or the other reason. Police too were concentrating more on traffic violations, drug use and protesting. Taking urine tests from random people, anyone who they thought looked like a drug user, searching their wallets, spraying water at dancing ladies, getting multiple promotions…they were having the time of their lives on the streets. atleast when ever they are not victims of violence. [http://www.haveeru.com.mv/dhivehi/news/118984 | http://www.haveeru.com.mv/dhivehi/traffic_operation/118677]

Rumors of oligarchs and politicians cutting deals with gangs were soon spreading like wildfire. political and gang violence was on the rise in the holy land of dhivehistan. The public did not feel safe in this hell of a paradise. [http://www.haveeru.com.mv/dhivehi/assault | http://www.haveeru.com.mv/dhivehi/maldives_political_unrest]

but hey…atleast the criminals lived happily every after…..the viyaanudhaa ones on the streets, and the izzaitheri ones in suits and ties too.


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